Post by Kai on Mar 10, 2010 21:59:05 GMT -5
Hm. ._.
... ._. Hm. Where to even begin? Or maybe it's better stated as, finding the end of the beginning, since it sure feels like it is far beyond the beginning of the end. ... Of course, that sounds about as unproductive as the rest of it. ...That's rather amusing, while poignant. I think I'll stick with that.
Foreshadowing of the future, the nature of the present, and repeated repetition of the past.
I think that sums it all up... succinctly.
Suffice it to say, I do believe I have reached critical. Or, to respond to the first 'quotes' (since I didn't feel the need to copy and paste the two responses), I don't know when or if there will be abilities listed or if I will actually respond to the limited commentary provided. I'm not feeling it. In fact, even contemplation on the subject is depressing at this point. And if that's a surprise... Heh. I may or may not be surprised.
I mean... taking a look at the site... I see a whole lot of... me. In fact, if it were not for that lone saturation, the rest that exists could easily be physically described as debris that happened to be swept in on an internet breeze. Limited discussion not on the board notwithstanding... any visitor to the site - assuming there were any - could definitely be justified in pondering if there was anyone else here at all. Of course, those 'in the know' could equally be justified in pondering as to whether or not the 'true' identities of the other names on the board were, in fact, Thomas, and not who the labels might claim to be.
._.
To explain the overall emotion exuding here, I should give the general overview of the progression. Last game ends, quick, dedicated response time is employed to create a whole new setting, while encouraging character creation and discussion for the purpose of creating an active, enjoyable writing environment, with as little lay-over time and as little 'keeping people waiting' as possible.
Limited, generally one-person environment discussion occurs in a hit and miss basis... and two not-me profiles appear to be put into action. Exceptional resistance is somehow elicited from another.
Self-character and general world finished, with the question posed as to what needs to be added. Reception is limited, the rest remains the same. Then, a 2+ week lull of complete silence.
Recon/board lurking occurs as normal, with a rather distressing lack of other names and, even, number of 'guests.' And any physical/non-internet or text pushing for activity is met with the kind of turn-around employed on dad when he starts talking about politics. In fact, having a focus at all on this makes me... more or less, irresponsible and 'bad.'
...Thanks for that.
Oh, and a villain got partially finished. And contemplation on completely scraping the moveset and super identity of the one completed character was also entertained, very strongly anticipated, and then melted with the rest of the following.
And then I got to wondering... hasn't this happened before? Which, of course, turned into - why, yes. All the time. ... Every. Time.
And I see quote number 2 from above, as the only non-me activity appearing on the board, late, over this period.
... And the only part of it that's actually true, based on experience and observation, and compounded with 'the unlucky number' (which is my own doing) is the burned cd.
If it wasn't there before, the depression fully set in with that. Obviously, something is wrong. This is the third or so world I have been a part of or the major creator of... and, going on with the fact that a) this is supposed to be something one likes to do, b) this is something one is inclined to participate in for one's own benefit, c) the responsibility accepted on intended participation is one that includes ... participation for the benefit of the others because it can't function with only one involved, and d) that said participation should be self-initiated.... I began to try and take stock of things.
Between some of the PMs received from an exiled member during the fall of the last game, and an inquiring conversation for criticism I had with a person that was on the boards but never an actual player in the past, I tried to see if I could figure out what might be wrong on my end. The only useful commentary from the PMs would be the one that indicated that others should have more active control.
... I don't think that one applies, at the moment.
The other conversation, on the other hand, was a bit enlightening. Too much center stage for my characters - which was intended to be rectified with Zoey prior to the conversation - was definitely observable in the previous. In this mode, I put forth that my characters tended to be too similar, all cut from the same cloth, ideas stolen, more or less, from the same source materials. There's also always the 'too much' or 'too little' when it comes to words, and I tend to harbor on the former rather than the latter. I was kind of working on that... I thought.
And then, from there, applying it to the current situation... 'it' must, partially, be from a complete inability to spark an interest or, should a spark have occurred, maintain that interest to any useful degree. Perhaps it's the subject matter, perhaps it's the aforementioned longevity of material, perhaps it's something a bit less specific... diluting it down to just the writing itself overall. Whatever 'it' actually is, what 'it' indicates is pretty easy to put forward in a single word: failure.
Really and truthfully, it's about time I just went ahead and accepted that notion. It's sort of been going on since the start, in some form or fashion, directly or indirectly. To use the current board and, as an extension, the end of the previous one as the primary example, it has gone like this:
I put stuff out. With the exception of brief 'super posting' periods of activity, the responses come as: 1) periods of silence, and/or 2) pointed resistance, and finally, 3) crisis posting. As an adjunct to this, there tends to be at least some non-board related brain-storming or discussion about things that tapers off semi-quickly.
Does any of that actually sound good to anyone else? It sure as hell doesn't to me. 1) and 2) are just... regardless... and 3)? That utterly defeats the point. It's completely worthless. It isn't supposed to be forced. It isn't supposed to be frustrating. It isn't supposed to be depressing. It isn't supposed to come as an after-thought, to spit out in an 'oh hay its been awhile i should post somethin b4 i get bitched at again.' As a mod, I'm not supposed to be a slave driver. The whip is supposed to be reserved for those causing active problems. Not in conjunction with begging participation.
...There shouldn't be any begging for participation. It should happen spontaneously. The idea of a 2-post-per-week limit is supposed to be a low ball restriction that is scoffed at because... why, or perhaps better said, how could you completely avoid something you liked so much so that it reduces you to such a number within a week?
._. I don't know. Maybe that's part of my problem. It's finals time. I've been studying almost non-stop. ... But I've still managed to find time for... nearly everything that I'd consider 'normal.' The only thing I could think of that was missed was 'which' video game got played in uncoiling downtime, seeing as how I have about 10 to choose from right now that I haven't finished (or need to get better in for competitive play in terms of the fighting games.) No shows missed, +1 on overall social outings, actually, and... ?
I suppose the point is, I just don't get it. For this stuff, I can't stand making anyone wait. I had to get it all done. The rest of you were, presumably, waiting on me. But that's how I feel every time. That's how I take it, anyway. I have that responsibility. It has to be done because if it isn't, folks are disappointed, get frustrated... the whole thing suffers. But the pattern just repeats itself.
And so, after taking a good look overall, I find myself in the position of not wanting to write anything at all, RPG related or otherwise. There isn't any point in it. It never goes anywhere, doesn't amount to anything, can't keep anyone interested in it. Ha, I mean... look at who it is that I was currently begging for activity from. If that doesn't have some impact, personally, then nothing would. That being said, in a way, if it weren't for the fact that they were guilty of disappearing themselves, I could possibly develop a sympathy for part of the Joshes issues at the end of that particular RP board.
...Of course, the hypocritical part of it kind of ruins that sympathy.
...But the bottom line is... I can't do this. I can't ride this roller coaster. I can't expend this energy to have nothing come back in return. I don't want to be the villain for asking for activity anymore.
Right now, I don't want to do anything anymore, reading or writing.
I don't know if this mood will lift or not. I'll keep lurking, for a while, probably, because I'm sure I can't help myself... but its mostly just trying to grab ghost strings. Does anyone actually think any recruitment could come on this? ... If there actually might be a reason to pay attention... someone notify me. Because I'm all out of energy.
<insert commentary on Atropos>
I am back now, as you know. I dunno about everyone else...
Oh and I will burn Photoshop for you today. ---- from the response in the 'All That Remains?' thread
Oh and I will burn Photoshop for you today. ---- from the response in the 'All That Remains?' thread
... ._. Hm. Where to even begin? Or maybe it's better stated as, finding the end of the beginning, since it sure feels like it is far beyond the beginning of the end. ... Of course, that sounds about as unproductive as the rest of it. ...That's rather amusing, while poignant. I think I'll stick with that.
Foreshadowing of the future, the nature of the present, and repeated repetition of the past.
I think that sums it all up... succinctly.
Suffice it to say, I do believe I have reached critical. Or, to respond to the first 'quotes' (since I didn't feel the need to copy and paste the two responses), I don't know when or if there will be abilities listed or if I will actually respond to the limited commentary provided. I'm not feeling it. In fact, even contemplation on the subject is depressing at this point. And if that's a surprise... Heh. I may or may not be surprised.
I mean... taking a look at the site... I see a whole lot of... me. In fact, if it were not for that lone saturation, the rest that exists could easily be physically described as debris that happened to be swept in on an internet breeze. Limited discussion not on the board notwithstanding... any visitor to the site - assuming there were any - could definitely be justified in pondering if there was anyone else here at all. Of course, those 'in the know' could equally be justified in pondering as to whether or not the 'true' identities of the other names on the board were, in fact, Thomas, and not who the labels might claim to be.
._.
To explain the overall emotion exuding here, I should give the general overview of the progression. Last game ends, quick, dedicated response time is employed to create a whole new setting, while encouraging character creation and discussion for the purpose of creating an active, enjoyable writing environment, with as little lay-over time and as little 'keeping people waiting' as possible.
Limited, generally one-person environment discussion occurs in a hit and miss basis... and two not-me profiles appear to be put into action. Exceptional resistance is somehow elicited from another.
Self-character and general world finished, with the question posed as to what needs to be added. Reception is limited, the rest remains the same. Then, a 2+ week lull of complete silence.
Recon/board lurking occurs as normal, with a rather distressing lack of other names and, even, number of 'guests.' And any physical/non-internet or text pushing for activity is met with the kind of turn-around employed on dad when he starts talking about politics. In fact, having a focus at all on this makes me... more or less, irresponsible and 'bad.'
...Thanks for that.
Oh, and a villain got partially finished. And contemplation on completely scraping the moveset and super identity of the one completed character was also entertained, very strongly anticipated, and then melted with the rest of the following.
And then I got to wondering... hasn't this happened before? Which, of course, turned into - why, yes. All the time. ... Every. Time.
And I see quote number 2 from above, as the only non-me activity appearing on the board, late, over this period.
... And the only part of it that's actually true, based on experience and observation, and compounded with 'the unlucky number' (which is my own doing) is the burned cd.
If it wasn't there before, the depression fully set in with that. Obviously, something is wrong. This is the third or so world I have been a part of or the major creator of... and, going on with the fact that a) this is supposed to be something one likes to do, b) this is something one is inclined to participate in for one's own benefit, c) the responsibility accepted on intended participation is one that includes ... participation for the benefit of the others because it can't function with only one involved, and d) that said participation should be self-initiated.... I began to try and take stock of things.
Between some of the PMs received from an exiled member during the fall of the last game, and an inquiring conversation for criticism I had with a person that was on the boards but never an actual player in the past, I tried to see if I could figure out what might be wrong on my end. The only useful commentary from the PMs would be the one that indicated that others should have more active control.
... I don't think that one applies, at the moment.
The other conversation, on the other hand, was a bit enlightening. Too much center stage for my characters - which was intended to be rectified with Zoey prior to the conversation - was definitely observable in the previous. In this mode, I put forth that my characters tended to be too similar, all cut from the same cloth, ideas stolen, more or less, from the same source materials. There's also always the 'too much' or 'too little' when it comes to words, and I tend to harbor on the former rather than the latter. I was kind of working on that... I thought.
And then, from there, applying it to the current situation... 'it' must, partially, be from a complete inability to spark an interest or, should a spark have occurred, maintain that interest to any useful degree. Perhaps it's the subject matter, perhaps it's the aforementioned longevity of material, perhaps it's something a bit less specific... diluting it down to just the writing itself overall. Whatever 'it' actually is, what 'it' indicates is pretty easy to put forward in a single word: failure.
Really and truthfully, it's about time I just went ahead and accepted that notion. It's sort of been going on since the start, in some form or fashion, directly or indirectly. To use the current board and, as an extension, the end of the previous one as the primary example, it has gone like this:
I put stuff out. With the exception of brief 'super posting' periods of activity, the responses come as: 1) periods of silence, and/or 2) pointed resistance, and finally, 3) crisis posting. As an adjunct to this, there tends to be at least some non-board related brain-storming or discussion about things that tapers off semi-quickly.
Does any of that actually sound good to anyone else? It sure as hell doesn't to me. 1) and 2) are just... regardless... and 3)? That utterly defeats the point. It's completely worthless. It isn't supposed to be forced. It isn't supposed to be frustrating. It isn't supposed to be depressing. It isn't supposed to come as an after-thought, to spit out in an 'oh hay its been awhile i should post somethin b4 i get bitched at again.' As a mod, I'm not supposed to be a slave driver. The whip is supposed to be reserved for those causing active problems. Not in conjunction with begging participation.
...There shouldn't be any begging for participation. It should happen spontaneously. The idea of a 2-post-per-week limit is supposed to be a low ball restriction that is scoffed at because... why, or perhaps better said, how could you completely avoid something you liked so much so that it reduces you to such a number within a week?
._. I don't know. Maybe that's part of my problem. It's finals time. I've been studying almost non-stop. ... But I've still managed to find time for... nearly everything that I'd consider 'normal.' The only thing I could think of that was missed was 'which' video game got played in uncoiling downtime, seeing as how I have about 10 to choose from right now that I haven't finished (or need to get better in for competitive play in terms of the fighting games.) No shows missed, +1 on overall social outings, actually, and... ?
I suppose the point is, I just don't get it. For this stuff, I can't stand making anyone wait. I had to get it all done. The rest of you were, presumably, waiting on me. But that's how I feel every time. That's how I take it, anyway. I have that responsibility. It has to be done because if it isn't, folks are disappointed, get frustrated... the whole thing suffers. But the pattern just repeats itself.
And so, after taking a good look overall, I find myself in the position of not wanting to write anything at all, RPG related or otherwise. There isn't any point in it. It never goes anywhere, doesn't amount to anything, can't keep anyone interested in it. Ha, I mean... look at who it is that I was currently begging for activity from. If that doesn't have some impact, personally, then nothing would. That being said, in a way, if it weren't for the fact that they were guilty of disappearing themselves, I could possibly develop a sympathy for part of the Joshes issues at the end of that particular RP board.
...Of course, the hypocritical part of it kind of ruins that sympathy.
...But the bottom line is... I can't do this. I can't ride this roller coaster. I can't expend this energy to have nothing come back in return. I don't want to be the villain for asking for activity anymore.
Right now, I don't want to do anything anymore, reading or writing.
I don't know if this mood will lift or not. I'll keep lurking, for a while, probably, because I'm sure I can't help myself... but its mostly just trying to grab ghost strings. Does anyone actually think any recruitment could come on this? ... If there actually might be a reason to pay attention... someone notify me. Because I'm all out of energy.